Daniel Means » 2007

the dead horse is a metaphor

When renting movies, it is important to choose only movies in which Pierce Brosnan is shown to be wielding a large knife on the dvd cover.

1:39 am - July 30th, 2007

dear girl on the subway eagerly applying newly purchased lip revitalizer at 5am

Firstly: Patience. I am sure you will be home soon. I understand the urge though.

Secondly: I think your lips look fine. Do not worry so much.

Thirdly: $4.97 seems like a pretty good deal for lip revitalizer. Good work.

5:22 pm - July 29th, 2007

dear dan

Seriously, stop going to bed when the sun comes up. It is backwards.

5:14 pm - July 29th, 2007

brooklyn bound

It looks like I do in fact have a place to live come Aug. 1 in South Park Slope, Brooklyn. This will put an end to 7 months of rent-free vagabonding and high seas adventure.

I will need a bed. Hmm.

And probably more shoes…

Celebrations were held later that evening at Justin Timberlake’s recently opened bar in the Upper East Side, Southern Hospitality. Click here for JT’s Grannie’s Pecan Pie recipe and various other fluff reportings.

Is reportings a word? OS X says no.

It was posited by Trey that the 4am closing of bars in New York leads to a sort of “double jet-lag” in regards to drinking, as the typical interior monologue of the functioning social alcoholic (”must be drunk by 1:30″) is registered unnecessary as well as dangerously deceptive. You will be off-pace and an embarrassment to your friends and colleagues.

The trick, we assume, is to follow your internal Pacific Standard clock and equate 4am Eastern with the 1am buzz you’ve grown comfortable with. This is accomplished using an array of full spectrum light bulbs and a pair of prescription goggles.

11:48 pm - July 27th, 2007

stuffs

Back in New York for the weekend, in pusuit of free music. Bishop Allen tonight, then The Siren Festival tomorrow, which includes The New York Dolls, M.I.A., and Lavender Diamond. WHAT DO I WEAR?

The hypothetical questions they should ask at the presidential debates.

Gentlemen, here’s the scenario: As you are flying home from Moscow—having told the world you will never deal with terrorists—hijackers, posing as reporters, seize Air Force One. They vow to kill a hostage every half-hour, including your wife and daughter, until you release a murderous Russian general. I’ll start with Senator Obama. Do you negotiate with the hijackers in the hope of saving lives, or do you flee into the bowels of the craft, then pick them off, one by one, with makeshift shanks and your bare hands.

9 People On TV I’d Like To Hit With a Shovel

Let’s Do Math! (with The Mighty Avengers!)

Solve for y: If a is b, where a = Captain Mar-Vell and b = spy, then x is y, where x = Rick Jones.

4:59 pm - July 20th, 2007

costume contest 1978

found on comics reporter

6:12 pm - July 18th, 2007

connecticut

Mistaking a machine dispensed receipt for an actual train ticket, I was assumed to be a bearded vagrant trying to talk his way into free transportation. Thank you kind MTA employee for letting me slide.

I’m safely in New Haven, freeloading. With luck I will have an apartment in New York soon, and with further luck, employment.

It seems I’m too late to witness the section of New Haven that had been converted to 1957 for the filming of Indiana Jones 4. Fortunately, this lowers my odds of intoxicatedly running into Shia LaBeouf at Louis Lunch to most likely zero. Would have been awkward.

The comic shop within walking distance is located next door to a liquor store. This is something that should be less of a rarity.